03.18.12 --- What's A Man To Do?

            What's a man to do when the one he loves seems like a different person? Seeing his love change shape due to the world she's involved in. He wants to develop a future with her and yet she seems stuck lost like she doesn't know what she truly wants. When all the little things don't amount to nothing once she gets mad. It's like why should he even try to please her when it comes down to the struggle she dismisses everything he has ever done for her.

            Yeah sure she has her own but yet she condradicts everything she says. Ie. He spends some money that he shouldn't and she gets on his case like hes the worse person in the world. Then when she spends over 200 dollars in two days her defense is he spent more money then she did. Though it was throughout 2 months there was still money coming in and now that only one source of income is provided which can only pay for the rent food baby food and diapers and bills that 200 dollars she spent is greatly needed but its all inspite. You see she does this often being spiteful she calls it fair but if you're doing something to get back at someone who did the same thing thats being spiteful and being that way is wrong and she knows it.
            Anger. Leads her controls her recreates her. When the anger takes over it seems she changes into someone who is capable of commiting the worse of sins. Without consequence with disregard to anything that happens afterwards like nothing will come back on her and her way is above all else. She is his love his life and he loves the way she is so kind and gentle and so when this anger comes and she changes into a demon whose only desire is to harm and destroy you can understand why he becomes so stone cold in his heart. He feels like he should just lock up his emotions so he won't get hurt anymore. As I stated before he loves this woman with everything in him so it seems this posting is for nothing because at the end of the day he will be there for her to support her to calm her to love her. If only he was just a little bit stronger to change the situation. ----

11.10.09 --- Emotions, Love, Commitment...

Love... is it just a word? A word so complex that maybe 10 years isn't enough to describe what it is. What the difference is between love and false emotion. Love added to relationships- it's more difficult then you think. When you're young love is tossed around more than the phase "I Like You". Just because in that moment in that second that period of time everything seems perfect and you and your significant other experience happiness doesn't really mean you "love" each other. Love takes time as do all things: friendships, job opportunities, building trust,etc. If love was so simple to acquire then why are heart breaks more common then love is? The deciet behind lies, the other side of the mirror, only showing you what you want to see. Inexperience, own personal ambitions, mentalities disrupt the image of love and balance between two beings.

For instance: a girl hasn't been socially involved with others, relationship wise, sexually, not even being around other people. Ok then after awhile this boy comes around sees her and decides to talk to her; they get to know each other and after awhile the girl starts to feel this intense growing emotion towards the boy. All she knows is her and the boy you see, she doesn't know what the boy is really about she don't know the boy outside the two of them being together. This reflection she sees- this balance that helps her see as people being kind and loving and caring could really be a lie. The boy is different then she, he is involved in socal outtings with friends; he has a past with relationships, past sexual partners and could even be still involved with these exs'. The truth behind this image of two people being together is held together by lies, cheating, a chaos she does not see. This happens all to often in this new generation of youth. Boy meets girl- boy like girl- boy falls for girl- boy finds out girl is lying- boy is devastaded- boy ends up having trust issues.

Emotions can sometimes be bad but that doesn't mean that you will never find something true. Through trial and error, falling down and getting back up again even I a hopeless romantic have found strong reasons to believe there is someone out there for me. There are many obstucles in front of me and that person for example: age difference, maturity, mentality, morals, etc. But I keep pressing on standing tall against the rain against the lonely nights against the guilt against the disappointments. Don't think you are a fool for trusting someone, you live and learn, there are going to be disappointments, there are going to be hardships but you must overcome or else it'll consume you. Experience has taught me a lot in my 19 years of living and I still have a lot to continue learning. Many more ups and downs are on the horizon- it's all about how you are able to cope how you are able to deal with the situation the cards you are dealt that will determine the outcome.